If it is so simple, why is it so hard?

Is it the Holy Spirit which comes to me tonight?

Does it come to tell me that is won’t give up on me when I feel as though I have given up on myself?

It is as if I am suddenly aware that I have been given a gift and that to turn my back on it now, would be worse than before – when I didn’t know I had it.

First, as I wrote the definition of “monasticism” on a note card, it is as if my mind opened – and in such a way that it is ready to learn. But it is not of my own doing. I couldn’t have done this magnificent thing to myself. It was as if someone was whispering in my ear “Learn. Understand. I am still here.” It left me in a state of distress -but the good kind - the type that makes you reach out.

Second, as I read the words from Acts 2:2 a funny thing happened. The words read: “And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting.” But before I processed the sentence, a cold breeze flew over me, making all the hair on my arms stand up. As I finished the sentence a feeling of great humility and smallness arrived inside of me.

Am I crazy to see an overwhelming connection here? No. Sometimes, things don’t happen randomly, and instead, happen with great purpose.

It is a funny thing, isn’t it? It is these small things that remind me of how little I am and how fantastic a blessing it is to believe.

It is appropriate to know in some ways and believe in others.

These are the things that cause me to believe. There are no words to convince anyone of it. I only have this great upwelling that bestows on me a duty to explain and write it.

Glory God. It is these blessings you give me which scare me the most. I do not care to fail or offend. Is it simply a choice put in front of me to fail and offend, or to succeed and bring honor to your name?

It seems this simple. Why is it so hard? Why do I, and many others, continuously fail? Selfishness? Greed? I am but nothing, hoping to achieve something.

I ask nothing more than the courage and strength to do as you wish.

Amen.