Hopeful Song

It has been about a year since the nights in which my minds eye started to contradict what my desires and passions told me I wanted. It has been about a year since the birthing pains of my heart of flesh broke through the stone.  It has been about a year since I started thanking God for not only letting me see Him, but also for letting me know His love. A year can make a huge difference.

As Christ died, so did the depravation and muddy emptiness in my heart.  As Christ lived, so did the joy and hopeful song in my heart. As one man's disobedience left me for dead before sin, so too did another man's obedience leave me alive and on my knees before God. Because I have died to the mastery of sin, how can I go back to the life I once lived?

I once was such that no one could save me, especially myself. No such savior existed.

"Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 6:19-23

Now I am such that I still cannot save myself, but a savior has arrived and He contests on my behalf.

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children."


Romans 8:15-16

Thank you, thank you, thank you Lord of lords. I have the utmost respect for the work you are doing in me and all whom have been bought with the blood of Christ. Thank you, thank you, thank you King of kings. There is no God but You and You...are enough.

Amen.

The Orange Cat Dream

For the past couple of months, the Lord has been filling up my sleep with all types of interesting stories. It is so fun! I end up finding myself thinking about them all day - finding great joy and wonder in His grace, even while I sleep.

Today I had an awesome experience. Initially, when I wake up in the morning, I like to just lay there for 5 minutes and try to consciously remember what it is He gave me to think about while I was dreaming; but for some reason, today, I just couldn't remember.

I started driving to church and one of the first things that caught my eye right as I was turning the first corner was an orange cat snaking its way through some cacti and bushes. And then I remembered my dream:

There were 2 kittens on a table - a black kitten and an orange kitten. I couldn't take my eyes off of the orange kitten, it was just so darn cute. A person standing near me, who didn't realize I was quite taken with the orange kitten said, "The black ones are great. All people think that the orange ones are the most hideous creatures on the face of the planet." I was sort of surprised by this person's comment, not even realizing that someone might think that. Yet knowing that no one else on earth loved this kitten made me want it even more!

God was telling me (at least I think!) that He has given me the ability to love someone (in the future) sincerely and wholeheartedly that no one else loves. I sure can't wait to meet this "orange cat."

You Belong to The Day

I just finished reading the 1st letter Paul wrote to the Thessalonians in 50 AD and some verses stuck out to me in chapter 5:

2 :: ...the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night.

7-9 :: For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ.

13-14 :: ...Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.

16 :: Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances...

19-21 :: Do not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good.

To speak to 1 Thessalonians 5:7-9, I encountered a point yesterday evening, in which I became extremely frustrated and troubled about a drunken person, someone in my family. First, I was angry and felt wronged by this person's inappropriate and hurtful words. I absolutely detest seeing full grown men drunk and that's just a truth about my personality, I suppose.

However secondly, and more importantly, I realized that instead of thinking about how this person may have wronged me - it was very much so more important to think about this person's own well-being...

It may be good to ask: why does he do this? To what a great extent is this person's soul burning with embarrassment and pride within? How much does he yearn to know the Lord and to love His Statutes, but cannot bring himself to understand something so wonderful?

I pray for an opened heart for him, that he may believe in the hope we have, because of Christ's work on the cross - in the existence of infinite goodness, just knocking on his door...

This realization and reminder that I am to love and not to judge him came mercifully from Galatians 6:1 when Paul wrote:

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.

Praise be to our Holy Father, who by the Words He left for us to know Him centuries after the fact of occurrence, may help sanctify me and give love to a man who has yet to know Him.

Amen.

Fresh Heart ---> Fresh Song

It is exactly 3 am. I just pulled my hand-me-down sweatshirt over my head and threw on the penguin pajama pants my dad gave me for Christmas a few years back. The New Moon film premier ended about a half hour ago and my drive home rendered me broken.

The first song I ever wrote, "Homegrown," kept playing in my head, so I began to sing it out loud in the quiet car. As I re-sang those words over again that I haven't thought about in so long; as I really heard my own heart on the past situation the song reveals...for the first time with new ears...I just broke down.

Oh - the hurt I must have caused in this boy of old. How sorry I am! I lead him on and used up his love, his...fragile heart. And then I claimed his friendship by selfishly, jealously holding onto him - deepening the wound. I believe this to be true.

What an evil act that was. I never knew. I never knew - all this time. I heard these terrible things in myself as I sang the lyrics I wrote 2 years ago and felt a deep upwelling to confess - not expecting or feeling as though I deserved love, but knowing that it was there waiting for me anyway just the same.

"It has to change," I kept thinking. So I began singing the melody with drastic manipulations and new words - though this time the words were addressed to God - the One they should have been sung to all along.

"Hey Lord - what have I done? What have I done - To him?
Hey Lord - what have I done? What have I done - what have I done?
Hey Lord - now I can see. Now I can see - the darkness in me.
Hey Lord - now I can see. Now I can see - the darkness in me.
Thank you - now I can see. Now I can see - You.
Thank you - now I can see. Now I can see - You.
Hey Lord - thank you for letting me see new.
Hey Lord - thank you for letting me see new,
Oh the world is beautiful."

How naked I felt to sing solely to God! No recording it for later listening - no one else to hear but...just Him. How uncontrolled that situation was...by me at least. How uncontrolled - my voice matched it so. Oh, to please Him! What a gift! "Amazing Grace" sums up exactly how I feel right now.

"Amazing grace how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind but now I see."

Thank you Lord...for a wonderful night.

Amen

Morn of Sarcastic Mourners

Today was a special day in my life. Not because of anything externally seen, but simply an inward calm and peace. When I woke up this morning, I remembered my dream. In this dream was a man who occasionally appears and at random has proved a great source of distress, but not anymore. He was simply there - just a man, no intended harm, no kindly outreach either - but just there. Since I have seen the face of the Lord I have prayed for this distress to leave me once and for all. I had forgotten about those prayers until today.

God is faithful.

I now have the peace to move on from this distress, finally and completely. To move on to greater plans.

Before I was out the door to work, the first attack came in the form of unthoughtful words crafted to tear down my outward appearance - but my spirit was content and not willing to hear such things - the power of the Holy Spirit. The second attack came on a phone line not 10 minutes later, it was rebuke - knocking on my door. Rebuke hiding behind a sheet of fear, fear which calls itself love. It is not love, it is fear - do not mistake it!

And the battle stopped. What peace, what peace. Only blessings and fellowship from then on. The One Who protects and provides for the spirit never fails. Amen! Lord, work in the lives of those aching for You.

When might the people of our family in humanity,

Instead of using choice sarcasm for piercing and degradation,

Hold the tongue and fight the words of death?

Those words which blacken the heart and cast a veil of locusts over hope –

They come from a place of self-loathing, guilt,

A land called “The Loss of All Meaning.”

Lift up! The hearts of the people are in need and will soon perish.

Tear away the shadows from our eyes, oh God.

When parent rebukes child for a gaze casted upon love,

When elders shower youth with trivial idols and poisonous thoughts,

When the root of the heart desires to strangle the spirits of the people,

Ask, ask – in whom is sustenance exposed?

The foundations yield shifty paths for the foot,

We cannot walk here, please, we cannot walk here.

The sympathies of the masses do not appropriate wisdom nor humility.

Within the institution of family, the mind quivers until it goes numb.

All that was ever important, hidden in the heart of the people.

All this time, hidden in the heart of the people.

I come before Him tonight with sadness and gladness.

I realize now what a tender time that was – with the light shining in.

Thank You for loving Your people richly, truthfully, boldly.

You set apart what has rotted black – it leans against Your blinding beauty,

So that the contrast may be well seen.

You calm the anxious waters within the mind.

You calm the shuddering hands and give rest to each soul.

You are faithful in prayer. Lift up! The heart is turned toward the sun.

When I awake, my worries have melted away –

The Sender of messages to the sleeper.

What peace You gift the sinful human.

Since long ago the impatience stirs, forgetting the possibility of peace.

My spirit lies shredded and ripped, left as nothing,

Under great goodness and mercy.

If all I have is You, I have everything.

You grant knowledge with both heart and mind.

Enabling minds, understanding what is true and what is false.

Made with the joy of a child – humility full as the ocean.

Eyes crowded with tears, it is true, just knowing You.

The Day of Full Teaching

Today is November 1st, 2009. It is a Sunday. Even from the moment my eyes opened, I had peace. The usual confusion crept in now and again, that which causes me to stop and wonder about the eternal and how it applies to my heart and mind at the said time. As I popped my eyes open, the first sight I caught was my family's skinny, yet huge German Sheppard cuddled up next to me on top of the quilt - sometimes Dax can be a real sweetie, despite his intimidatingly dark coat and fierce name. I got out of bed and proceeded to make a doggy-breakfast and then my own human breakfast. Strawberry cereal. Yum. And coffee. Yum x 2. After every being in the house was provided for and happy, I continued to get ready and eventually shot out the front door in response to my sister-in-law's text message, reading, "We're here!" And we're off to church.

First up on the menu - Sunday School with Mr. Owen Anderson. Brief overview on some viewpoints of a few deep-thinkers, namely the sardonic Richard Dawkins (naturalist - biologist), Paul Davies (astrophysicist - abides by law of entropy - universe cannot be eternal), and C.S. Lewis (Liar, Lunatic, or Lord - Owen asks if these are really our only choices?). Differentiation between Apologetics (seeking to defend what one already believes) and Philosophy (seeking truth through presuppositional thinking). He comments that it is better to believe than not, yet better still to believe with foundations than without. A Reformed Epistemologist he says? A defender of fideism. Owen made compelling points on 2 issues thereafter. 1) That it is important not to attempt to "hook" or "sell" people into Christianity, but to allow the foundations of consistent truth be what sells them: conviction right here. 2) Adam, Eve, and Cain...they knew God existed - talked to Him throughout the day - probably knew God in an immediate, proximal way, but did they know God? For if they did know, would they disobey an all-good being who had just created them? Probably not.

Next on the menu: "The Kingdom of God" - here on earth, our wonderful pastor begins his sermon with, we are to rule over the earth and have dominion over it. A blessing. However, once sin was introduced - it too came under our dominion - we are to rule over the sin at our doorstep. Consider Genesis 4:6-7, when God speaks to Cain:

"Then the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."

Amen? Sin is cumulative. A progression now to be an example: 1) You stop seeking after the Lord earnestly. 2) You give into the sin crouching at your doorstep and follow the desires of your heart, say some sort of sexual sin. 3) Your sin turns into perversion. 4) You are utterly consumed by your sin and have fallen into mindlessness and casualty. 5) You are a slave. You are in bondage. When we do not understand the Lord in depth, we are prone to react quickly through the sin in our heart and thus, the slavery becomes real. Have you ever felt this way?

Third item up: Institute for Cultural Influence - "Church & Family" - How do we reverse a false view on the institute of family in a culture? We begin with the origins of family - it roots from man and woman; Gen 1:27-28 says multiply and be fruitful in order that we may may know more fully the Truine relationship of God . Statistics overwhelmingly indicate kids with a mother and father are the most likely NOT to fall into drugs, sexual promiscuity, etc. Why are there not enough leaders in society who value this important institute? Because they were hurt by the same system...Thoughts of the panel for both family and church (taking the liberty to paraphrase):

Tracy - in response to the audiences mention of the real concern of "fear of commitment"

* It's scarier to think about life without commitment. (amen)

* You set each other free to be who you really are.

* Because we are hurt in relationships, we also heal through them.

Kristen

* Take confidence in knowing that God is preparing you for marriage right now and He is thinking about it, so we don't need to worry.

* It's impossible to be fully formed before going into marriage.

Andre

* It is key to view women in the church as daughters of God. (amen)

* Bring the church to those who don't understand the Lord yet by walking with them and not condemning.

Len

* Marriage plays the brutally important role of accountability - especially important when one is in full-time ministry.

* Do not allow the cultural view of mediocrity to be the standard on this or anything ordained by God.

Josh

* You need the heart of a servant to be in ministry - without it, you won't last long.

* Time is precious - do not waste it on things you know won't be glorifying.

Ronda

* If you were "passed a broken baton" through the examples given you in life of what relationships really are, don't let it stay broken before you pass it.

* "Assembling" in Hebrew means, "an ornament" that is beautiful to God. He loves when we come together in His name.

Is that a full day of wonderful teaching or what? Truly blessed. Thank you Lord for the amazing work being done in Your name that I am getting the gift of being able to watch! I pray that You teach us all to come to You each day with a childlike heart eager to see Your holy will, especially in these areas of our lives right now - family, knowledge, dominion, mastering sin, and church. Amen.

The Traits of Jesus

As I have been reading the New Testament for the first time - I am getting to see who Jesus is (the traits of God in human form), how he acts, how he speaks, what makes him unique as a human - and I'd like to note some of these things I'm witnessing. It may seem very elementary...very basic...and that's because it is. Where better to start from?

1. Named by God through a messenger (an angel)...Luke 2:21
2. Childhood of fleeing (Bethlehem > Egypt > Nazareth)...Matthew 2
3. An earthly mother who treasured him...Luke 2:51
4. An earthly father who was righteous...Matthew 1:19
5. Baptizes with the Holy Spirit and fire...Matthew 3:11
6. Allowed himself to be led by the Holy Spirit, with which he is filled...Matthew 4:1 & Luke 4:1
7. Does not test the Father and serves Him only...Matthew 4:7 & 10
8. Does not want others to be afraid...Luke 5:10, Mark 6:50
9. Knows what is in a person's heart...John 2: 25, Mark 2:8
10. His Father is spirit, so he worships Him with his own spirit...John 4:24

* Worship: adoring, revering, and devoting your thoughts, words, and actions to God.

11. Compassionate...Mark 1:41, Luke 15:20
12. Was lonely at times...Mark 1: 45
13. Calls people...Mark 2: 17
14. Does not want others to fast while he is with them...Mark 2:14-15

* Fasting: a symbol of mourning for the absence of the bridegroom

15. Creates rules for (the good of) people, not people for rules...Mark 2:27 & 3:4-5
16. Does not collect material treasures...Matthew 6:19
17. Calls it like it is - identifies the sin...Matthew 7:5
18. What comes from his mouth is the overflow from his heart...Luke 6:45
19. Raises people from physical death...Luke 7:14-15, Mark 5:41
20. Thinks words are important...Matthew 12:37, John 6:63
21. Loved to talk in parables...Matthew 13

* Parable: a simple story used for moral lessons.

22. Asks questions to make people think, not because he doesn't know...Mark 4:40
23. Experiences amazement...Mark 6:6
24. Is the ultimate judge...John 5:22-23
25. Can give others his divine power...Mark 6:7
26. Wants us to be shrewd and innocent...Matthew 10:16

* Shrewd: a sharp power for correct judgment, very perceptive.
* Innocent: free from guilt and moral wrong-doing.

27. Speaks to individuals in the dark...Matthew 10:27
28. Asks for us to love him more than all else, including people...Matthew 10:37
29. Gentle...Mark 6:31
30. Bold (and a bit sassy, if I do say so myself)...Matthew 14:16
31. Came to earth from heaven...John 6:33
32. Purpose: to do will of his Father...John 6:38-39
33. Doesn't like complaining...John 6:43
34. Rough...Mark 7:18
35. Teacher of all topics...Matthew 15:14
36. Reveals unbelief through question asking...Mark 9:23
37. Never turns away someone looking for help...Luke 9:41, Matthew 11:10
38. Greatly treasures childlike humility...Matthew 18:2-4, Mark 10:15

* Humility: believing oneself to be unimportant > a submissive, serving heart.

39. Greatly values an individual...Matthew 18:12-14, Luke 15:3-7
40. Heals through teaching...compare Mark 10:1 & Matthew 19:1-2
41. Filled with joy by the Holy Spirit...Luke 10:21
42. Desires us to find rest from burdens through submission...Matthew 11:28-30
43. Only asks us to worry about one thing...Luke 10:41-42
44. Asks us to gift what he has gifted...Luke 11:41
45. Exposes...Luke 12:3
46. Has power over our final destiny...Luke 12:4
47. Gives good reminders...Luke 17:10
48. Does not seek glory for himself...John 8:50
49. Does not impose natural evil to punish specific sin...John 9:3
50. Moves in people before they know him...John 9:11
51. Is a gate - must go through him...John 10:7-9
52. Indignant...Mark 10:13-15

* Indignant: feeling or showing anger or annoyance

53. Generous...Matthew 20:13-15
54. Proclaims to be God...John 10:33


I will be adding constantly to this list as I read more about Jesus' life. If anyone who reads this should find something I have written confusing or incorrect, please bring me your thoughts in an edifying way - I'd love to hear them.

Thank you my Holy Lord, for presenting me and all your people, with the blessing to read about and know your amazing Son.

Amen