Jesus, How I Long

I was overcome today with how much we have here in the United States - how blessed and fortunate we are. I have a holy fear of the knowledge that those who are comfortable now will be so no more, and those who struggle now, will be comforted and provided for in the end. I know that through my study of Job - the Lord can and does use suffering not as punishment for sin, but as a cleanser of the spirit. I pray to be cleansed. Jesus walked on this earth that you and I walk on, this dust. And in the end, He comes for us again and we shall bow in awe at His name.

Oh...my Lord...how You are so worthy. That You stooped so low to walk on this earth, amongst us fallen creatures. It was declared long before You came. Repeatedly. And You were coming. 

Job declared it long ago in the midst of his anguish, "I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth" (job 19:25). 

Oh, my lovely God - You Who are named Jesus. May I love You with all my heart, with all my might. May I long for You in each moment. May I long for the edge of Your robe. For the healing of You. For the calling of You. For the knowledge of You. For the heart of You and for Your will. May I long for You all my days. Lord, may You intensify my life and provide in it all the things that take me to You. May Your loving hand out-pour onto me now as I venture into Your blazing presence.

Oh, Jesus! Oh, my Father! Oh...sweet Holy Spirit, come upon us now that we may live and live abundantly!

I worship You. I will follow You anywhere.

 "How Wonderful" Leeland  Lifting hands in song and dance
Humbled by the glory of the cross
We've been redeemed and reconciled
Caught up in the splendor of it all
Eternal life You gave
So we will bring song of praise

How wonderful
How lovely is Your name
You captivate our hearts
You save us by Your grace

God of mercy, God of love
How we marvel at Your majesty
As we kneel before Your holy throne
In the beauty of Your mystery
We are children of the King
Father, of Your love we sing

And You are
Closer than a brother, Jesus
Closer than a brother, Jesus
Oh, the name of Jesus
Oh, the name of Jesus
Oh, the name of Jesus

Prayer of Warfare

Holy Father -

You know that my heart has been right before You. I am under attack right now by the presupposition that You cannot teach us all things.

But that is not truth and You will not hide in the darkness and disparity of confusion; it is not possible for You.

You cannot see a thing that is pure and cover over it - like a disparaging dog kicking up the dirt to hide what it has found. 

Thank you Holy Spirit that You would uphold me while violence comes from every side. While my heart is being clawed at, You rest quietly and mightily...over me.

You rest over me.

It is as if the sounds raging outside of Your wings were merely murmurs. How is it that your stillness is stronger than all their bitter shouting?

The gnashing of teeth cannot even pierce Your shield that protects what You have already won victory over.

It is the way of man to hold onto his treasures and to wage war onto the parts of his heart that have not yet known Your touch - which brings healing.

But to overcome the LORD, his efforts have never known. There is but one I AM, and because the Lord Jesus is He, we can have life.

This is a bit how I feel - like I've been shot at a million

times, but I'm doing fine, because the Lord's got this one.

Thank you my Lord - 

all I need is Your lovin' 

:)

Who's Your Judge?

May 29th, 2010

I have not written in far too long and sometimes I think it's just a darn shame to not have some sort of record of the tough lessons learned, because y'know what? Tough lessons can be even tougher to learn a second time! My experience has been that if it can at all be laid out upon the table, the sooner that happens the better - as to take a step towards and for God with hopeful desperation for the purification that comes only from a relationship with Him.

And oh, how I cannot explain exactly how much I need that purification! Through the conviction that only the Holy Spirit brings to our hearts, I became aware recently that I have a major problem with judging others...I know! Yuck! Who am I to be the judge of another?

So when I realized I was having issues (needless to say, haha), I decided the best idea to solve them would be to first check and see what the Word of God had to say about all of this. These things may seem obvious to some, but here's what I found out - and it is good:

1 :: GOD IS JUDGE :: Not me.

And the heavens declare His righteousness,
For God Himself is judge. Selah.

Psalm 50:6

...I will execute judgments - I am the LORD.

Exodus 12:12b

2 :: A JUDGE GIVES THE LAW :: Therefore, I am not a judge!

There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you who judge your neighbor?

James 4:12

3 :: IT IS THE LAW IN OUR HEARTS GIVEN BY GOD TO NOT JUDGE :: Therefore, when I judge, I am putting myself above the law of God. not good...ng.

Do not speak against one another, brethren. He who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks against the law and judges the law; but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge of it.

James 4:11

4 :: HIS JUDGMENT IS JOYOUS & TRUE :: Mine is condemning and unfair. How can one sinner judge another?

Let the rivers clap their hands, let the mountains sing together for joy before the LORD, for He is coming to judge the earth; He will judge the world with righteousness and the people with equity.

Psalm 98:9

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Matthew 7:3-5

5 :: I DON'T HAVE TO BE JUDGE BECAUSE IT'S NOT MY JOB :: The Word judges and I have freedom from the responsibility.

For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Hebrews 4:12

What have I learned from all of this? I am not a judge and I don't give the law. God has set a law in my heart to not judge my brothers and sisters, and when I do - I am putting myself above His law. When I judge, I don't even do a good job anyway, for I don't know the whole truth nor do I have the ability to judge fairly. After all that, I don't even have to be a judge nor do I want to - I am free to love! I love that. 

Completed

Today I had such a broken heart for the Lord. I was in a place of destitution; at an utter loss for how to handle my own day to day issues. But then there was this, read as the Psalm today at the beginning of church @ Praxis (Greek for practice):

Psalm 102:17

He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea.

When I woke up this morning, all that swept through my mind was "Which church do I go to? This one or that one? This one is this and that one is that, so which do I place myself in today? Which church do I go to?" It was a horrible feeling. I felt and still feel divided. This is something I do not want to be a normal part of life. However, I know I need not worry too much about it, for God knows exactly where I will be in the future and will place me there with a sure hand. All I need to do is keep my gaze on Him, follow Him...follow Jesus' lead...and trust in Him.

Psalm 9:10

Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

As I was sitting in church, realizing just what a humbled and broken place the Lord had prepared me to be in this morning, I had a flashback to the night I accepted Christ. February 7th, 2009. For months and months I had struggled with "I believe in God, I see He has changed me, but I don't get what comes next." Well...what came next was realizing I did have a belief in Jesus as the Son of God. I did believe He died on the cross for my sins. I trusted in Him enough by this time to dedicate the rest of my life to following His lead and although I had no idea what that looked like...I still trusted Him. I trusted Him. His amazing grace empowered me, purified me, and helped me trust.

This morning at Praxis, I wept and confessed again how lost I was and craved to trust in Him with such a pure heart as I had on that first night. And as I sat there, something lovely and beautiful beyond description popped into my mind: I envisioned Jesus just sitting next to me, quiet. I envisioned myself curling into His loving arms as a child weeping before her father. And this came to mind:

Matthew 28:20

"...surely I am with you always..."

I was completely depraved and then I was completely comforted. Now I am completely set free. 

Mirror Mirror On The Wall - Say What?

Since I last documented my walk with the Lord - He has done many wonderful things. I'm not going to go into great detail right now, but to suffice, I'll just say this :: I am so thankful for his answering of prayers for a childlike heart and a faith that can move mountains - He desires this for us! Woop!

Recently, I went to a sermon which focused highly on being in the Word and really knowing it. I find that as you read - it tends to seep into your thinking, whether you have it memorized or not. However, because God built us to be beings that are influencing/influenced, it is so important that we're surrounded by people, places, and things (the bible, cough cough, amongst other things) that God desires for us to be influenced by!

I most definitely lack on being able to place a scripture when I hear it. I hate that! And I was convicted during this sermon that I need to be more cautious of what I make a point of remembering. We try to remember things said by people we love, right? So then, all the more, shall not we try even harder to remember the things God says?

James 1:22-25

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does."

So...if we can remember the things which God has said to us through His Word as well as we can remember what we look like...I believe our TRUE identity that is found only in Him will shine even brighter :)

P.S. Feel free to give me a good 'ole test on this scripture next time you see me...

Hopeful Song

It has been about a year since the nights in which my minds eye started to contradict what my desires and passions told me I wanted. It has been about a year since the birthing pains of my heart of flesh broke through the stone.  It has been about a year since I started thanking God for not only letting me see Him, but also for letting me know His love. A year can make a huge difference.

As Christ died, so did the depravation and muddy emptiness in my heart.  As Christ lived, so did the joy and hopeful song in my heart. As one man's disobedience left me for dead before sin, so too did another man's obedience leave me alive and on my knees before God. Because I have died to the mastery of sin, how can I go back to the life I once lived?

I once was such that no one could save me, especially myself. No such savior existed.

"Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 6:19-23

Now I am such that I still cannot save myself, but a savior has arrived and He contests on my behalf.

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children."


Romans 8:15-16

Thank you, thank you, thank you Lord of lords. I have the utmost respect for the work you are doing in me and all whom have been bought with the blood of Christ. Thank you, thank you, thank you King of kings. There is no God but You and You...are enough.

Amen.

The Orange Cat Dream

For the past couple of months, the Lord has been filling up my sleep with all types of interesting stories. It is so fun! I end up finding myself thinking about them all day - finding great joy and wonder in His grace, even while I sleep.

Today I had an awesome experience. Initially, when I wake up in the morning, I like to just lay there for 5 minutes and try to consciously remember what it is He gave me to think about while I was dreaming; but for some reason, today, I just couldn't remember.

I started driving to church and one of the first things that caught my eye right as I was turning the first corner was an orange cat snaking its way through some cacti and bushes. And then I remembered my dream:

There were 2 kittens on a table - a black kitten and an orange kitten. I couldn't take my eyes off of the orange kitten, it was just so darn cute. A person standing near me, who didn't realize I was quite taken with the orange kitten said, "The black ones are great. All people think that the orange ones are the most hideous creatures on the face of the planet." I was sort of surprised by this person's comment, not even realizing that someone might think that. Yet knowing that no one else on earth loved this kitten made me want it even more!

God was telling me (at least I think!) that He has given me the ability to love someone (in the future) sincerely and wholeheartedly that no one else loves. I sure can't wait to meet this "orange cat."