Who's Your Judge?

May 29th, 2010

I have not written in far too long and sometimes I think it's just a darn shame to not have some sort of record of the tough lessons learned, because y'know what? Tough lessons can be even tougher to learn a second time! My experience has been that if it can at all be laid out upon the table, the sooner that happens the better - as to take a step towards and for God with hopeful desperation for the purification that comes only from a relationship with Him.

And oh, how I cannot explain exactly how much I need that purification! Through the conviction that only the Holy Spirit brings to our hearts, I became aware recently that I have a major problem with judging others...I know! Yuck! Who am I to be the judge of another?

So when I realized I was having issues (needless to say, haha), I decided the best idea to solve them would be to first check and see what the Word of God had to say about all of this. These things may seem obvious to some, but here's what I found out - and it is good:

1 :: GOD IS JUDGE :: Not me.

And the heavens declare His righteousness,
For God Himself is judge. Selah.

Psalm 50:6

...I will execute judgments - I am the LORD.

Exodus 12:12b

2 :: A JUDGE GIVES THE LAW :: Therefore, I am not a judge!

There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you who judge your neighbor?

James 4:12

3 :: IT IS THE LAW IN OUR HEARTS GIVEN BY GOD TO NOT JUDGE :: Therefore, when I judge, I am putting myself above the law of God. not good...ng.

Do not speak against one another, brethren. He who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks against the law and judges the law; but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge of it.

James 4:11

4 :: HIS JUDGMENT IS JOYOUS & TRUE :: Mine is condemning and unfair. How can one sinner judge another?

Let the rivers clap their hands, let the mountains sing together for joy before the LORD, for He is coming to judge the earth; He will judge the world with righteousness and the people with equity.

Psalm 98:9

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Matthew 7:3-5

5 :: I DON'T HAVE TO BE JUDGE BECAUSE IT'S NOT MY JOB :: The Word judges and I have freedom from the responsibility.

For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Hebrews 4:12

What have I learned from all of this? I am not a judge and I don't give the law. God has set a law in my heart to not judge my brothers and sisters, and when I do - I am putting myself above His law. When I judge, I don't even do a good job anyway, for I don't know the whole truth nor do I have the ability to judge fairly. After all that, I don't even have to be a judge nor do I want to - I am free to love! I love that. 

Completed

Today I had such a broken heart for the Lord. I was in a place of destitution; at an utter loss for how to handle my own day to day issues. But then there was this, read as the Psalm today at the beginning of church @ Praxis (Greek for practice):

Psalm 102:17

He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea.

When I woke up this morning, all that swept through my mind was "Which church do I go to? This one or that one? This one is this and that one is that, so which do I place myself in today? Which church do I go to?" It was a horrible feeling. I felt and still feel divided. This is something I do not want to be a normal part of life. However, I know I need not worry too much about it, for God knows exactly where I will be in the future and will place me there with a sure hand. All I need to do is keep my gaze on Him, follow Him...follow Jesus' lead...and trust in Him.

Psalm 9:10

Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

As I was sitting in church, realizing just what a humbled and broken place the Lord had prepared me to be in this morning, I had a flashback to the night I accepted Christ. February 7th, 2009. For months and months I had struggled with "I believe in God, I see He has changed me, but I don't get what comes next." Well...what came next was realizing I did have a belief in Jesus as the Son of God. I did believe He died on the cross for my sins. I trusted in Him enough by this time to dedicate the rest of my life to following His lead and although I had no idea what that looked like...I still trusted Him. I trusted Him. His amazing grace empowered me, purified me, and helped me trust.

This morning at Praxis, I wept and confessed again how lost I was and craved to trust in Him with such a pure heart as I had on that first night. And as I sat there, something lovely and beautiful beyond description popped into my mind: I envisioned Jesus just sitting next to me, quiet. I envisioned myself curling into His loving arms as a child weeping before her father. And this came to mind:

Matthew 28:20

"...surely I am with you always..."

I was completely depraved and then I was completely comforted. Now I am completely set free. 

Mirror Mirror On The Wall - Say What?

Since I last documented my walk with the Lord - He has done many wonderful things. I'm not going to go into great detail right now, but to suffice, I'll just say this :: I am so thankful for his answering of prayers for a childlike heart and a faith that can move mountains - He desires this for us! Woop!

Recently, I went to a sermon which focused highly on being in the Word and really knowing it. I find that as you read - it tends to seep into your thinking, whether you have it memorized or not. However, because God built us to be beings that are influencing/influenced, it is so important that we're surrounded by people, places, and things (the bible, cough cough, amongst other things) that God desires for us to be influenced by!

I most definitely lack on being able to place a scripture when I hear it. I hate that! And I was convicted during this sermon that I need to be more cautious of what I make a point of remembering. We try to remember things said by people we love, right? So then, all the more, shall not we try even harder to remember the things God says?

James 1:22-25

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does."

So...if we can remember the things which God has said to us through His Word as well as we can remember what we look like...I believe our TRUE identity that is found only in Him will shine even brighter :)

P.S. Feel free to give me a good 'ole test on this scripture next time you see me...

Hopeful Song

It has been about a year since the nights in which my minds eye started to contradict what my desires and passions told me I wanted. It has been about a year since the birthing pains of my heart of flesh broke through the stone.  It has been about a year since I started thanking God for not only letting me see Him, but also for letting me know His love. A year can make a huge difference.

As Christ died, so did the depravation and muddy emptiness in my heart.  As Christ lived, so did the joy and hopeful song in my heart. As one man's disobedience left me for dead before sin, so too did another man's obedience leave me alive and on my knees before God. Because I have died to the mastery of sin, how can I go back to the life I once lived?

I once was such that no one could save me, especially myself. No such savior existed.

"Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 6:19-23

Now I am such that I still cannot save myself, but a savior has arrived and He contests on my behalf.

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children."


Romans 8:15-16

Thank you, thank you, thank you Lord of lords. I have the utmost respect for the work you are doing in me and all whom have been bought with the blood of Christ. Thank you, thank you, thank you King of kings. There is no God but You and You...are enough.

Amen.

The Orange Cat Dream

For the past couple of months, the Lord has been filling up my sleep with all types of interesting stories. It is so fun! I end up finding myself thinking about them all day - finding great joy and wonder in His grace, even while I sleep.

Today I had an awesome experience. Initially, when I wake up in the morning, I like to just lay there for 5 minutes and try to consciously remember what it is He gave me to think about while I was dreaming; but for some reason, today, I just couldn't remember.

I started driving to church and one of the first things that caught my eye right as I was turning the first corner was an orange cat snaking its way through some cacti and bushes. And then I remembered my dream:

There were 2 kittens on a table - a black kitten and an orange kitten. I couldn't take my eyes off of the orange kitten, it was just so darn cute. A person standing near me, who didn't realize I was quite taken with the orange kitten said, "The black ones are great. All people think that the orange ones are the most hideous creatures on the face of the planet." I was sort of surprised by this person's comment, not even realizing that someone might think that. Yet knowing that no one else on earth loved this kitten made me want it even more!

God was telling me (at least I think!) that He has given me the ability to love someone (in the future) sincerely and wholeheartedly that no one else loves. I sure can't wait to meet this "orange cat."

You Belong to The Day

I just finished reading the 1st letter Paul wrote to the Thessalonians in 50 AD and some verses stuck out to me in chapter 5:

2 :: ...the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night.

7-9 :: For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ.

13-14 :: ...Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.

16 :: Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances...

19-21 :: Do not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good.

To speak to 1 Thessalonians 5:7-9, I encountered a point yesterday evening, in which I became extremely frustrated and troubled about a drunken person, someone in my family. First, I was angry and felt wronged by this person's inappropriate and hurtful words. I absolutely detest seeing full grown men drunk and that's just a truth about my personality, I suppose.

However secondly, and more importantly, I realized that instead of thinking about how this person may have wronged me - it was very much so more important to think about this person's own well-being...

It may be good to ask: why does he do this? To what a great extent is this person's soul burning with embarrassment and pride within? How much does he yearn to know the Lord and to love His Statutes, but cannot bring himself to understand something so wonderful?

I pray for an opened heart for him, that he may believe in the hope we have, because of Christ's work on the cross - in the existence of infinite goodness, just knocking on his door...

This realization and reminder that I am to love and not to judge him came mercifully from Galatians 6:1 when Paul wrote:

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.

Praise be to our Holy Father, who by the Words He left for us to know Him centuries after the fact of occurrence, may help sanctify me and give love to a man who has yet to know Him.

Amen.

Fresh Heart ---> Fresh Song

It is exactly 3 am. I just pulled my hand-me-down sweatshirt over my head and threw on the penguin pajama pants my dad gave me for Christmas a few years back. The New Moon film premier ended about a half hour ago and my drive home rendered me broken.

The first song I ever wrote, "Homegrown," kept playing in my head, so I began to sing it out loud in the quiet car. As I re-sang those words over again that I haven't thought about in so long; as I really heard my own heart on the past situation the song reveals...for the first time with new ears...I just broke down.

Oh - the hurt I must have caused in this boy of old. How sorry I am! I lead him on and used up his love, his...fragile heart. And then I claimed his friendship by selfishly, jealously holding onto him - deepening the wound. I believe this to be true.

What an evil act that was. I never knew. I never knew - all this time. I heard these terrible things in myself as I sang the lyrics I wrote 2 years ago and felt a deep upwelling to confess - not expecting or feeling as though I deserved love, but knowing that it was there waiting for me anyway just the same.

"It has to change," I kept thinking. So I began singing the melody with drastic manipulations and new words - though this time the words were addressed to God - the One they should have been sung to all along.

"Hey Lord - what have I done? What have I done - To him?
Hey Lord - what have I done? What have I done - what have I done?
Hey Lord - now I can see. Now I can see - the darkness in me.
Hey Lord - now I can see. Now I can see - the darkness in me.
Thank you - now I can see. Now I can see - You.
Thank you - now I can see. Now I can see - You.
Hey Lord - thank you for letting me see new.
Hey Lord - thank you for letting me see new,
Oh the world is beautiful."

How naked I felt to sing solely to God! No recording it for later listening - no one else to hear but...just Him. How uncontrolled that situation was...by me at least. How uncontrolled - my voice matched it so. Oh, to please Him! What a gift! "Amazing Grace" sums up exactly how I feel right now.

"Amazing grace how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind but now I see."

Thank you Lord...for a wonderful night.

Amen