Why I Believe In God

A friend asked me this week, "Why do you believe in God?" Here are some of the most honest answers I have to that sweet question:

-          Because people whose lives I watched that believed in God were unlike others I met. Because when I didn’t believe, the people I knew that really believed in God (not just God, but JESUS as God) thought, talked, and acted differently than others. They loved more, laughed more, and cared for each other and for me better. And they didn’t do it to only seem “good,” they did it because they actually wanted to. They were able to find meaning in life without pursuing things that leave you feeling empty afterwards. I couldn’t grasp it. They seemed like more “complete” and “whole” humans. I always thought that they knew something that I didn’t, but I couldn’t quite figure it out. They always told me it was all to do with God, Jesus specifically – but I didn’t believe it for myself at the time. These people didn’t give up on me or stop being my friend over things that tore other friendships apart. They always loved me (Nikki, my brother, Justine). Although they were the ones showing me love, my mind and heart eventually gave credit to the source that they claimed for being the loving people they were. I stopped assuming the goodness that I experienced from their lives came from them and began to seek the direct source.

-          Because believing in myself wasn’t working. The main “way to live” philosophy I was taught through parenting and culture was the “believe in yourself and you can do anything” concept. But what about me, I would ask, was there to believe in? I loved hanging with friends, getting drunk, hooking up with guys à what about me and my life did I have to believe in, did I want to believe in? I knew that whatever my little self was coming up with to believe in and live by was just not it and I wanted to go outside of myself to know what was really good! (I Praise God now) that I was smart enough to know that I wasn’t the key to my own life or others J.

-          Because believing in a good God was the most logical thing I’d ever heard. During a season of utter emptiness and loss of meaning in my life through my own vain attempts for happiness and fun, I strived to find meaning by asking questions about things that really seemed to have meaning – like God, how the world was created, what was really the purpose of humans? It seems strange to think of such big concepts when we’re practically dying inside, but thinking about and pondering on such meaningful things was really the only thing that kept my spirit fed and full at the time. Learning about the meaning of life was the only thing I wanted to know more about, it was the only thing that kept me curious and kept me satisfied all at once. I started asking questions like, “Does God exist?” “If God does exist, what is God like?” and “If God exists, is this way or that, how does that apply to my life?” The answers started pouring in – and they all made so much sense, in a really logical way. As humans, and what I found in myself, is that – most of the things we believe, we believe rather inconsistently – as in, I might think this way for this or that reason (most of which weren’t very good reasons anyway), speak another way, and neither the way I thought or spoke computed to the way I acted. My whole self and how I functioned was entirely inconsistent. Inconsistency isn’t logical. So I logically began to explore the God I was discovering EXISTED! And He was GOOD! So I explored that! I believed in God, because I explored ideas about God à and the God of the bible made the most sense!

-          Because I couldn’t help it. After not knowing God for so long and starting to realize who He really was/is – I tried to fight admitting that I believed in Him and trusted Him for awhile. I thought believing in God was a huge jump to make, like it wasn’t actually possible for me to do it anyway. I thought if it were to ever happen, I would wake up one day and just officially “believe.” But what I realized as I studied more, asked more questions, and was surrounded by people who believed in God who loved me well, was that…I had believed in God for awhile and trusted Him too! I just had never realized it really. So I “officially” one day told God that I trusted in Him, although He already knew this – but apart from confessing this trust, took “ownership” of it in a way, and made a promise back to Him one day that no matter what, I would keep trusting in Him and would follow Him with my life. I had no other option. Once you see and understand who God is, how true, how good, how gracious…there is no way you could not believe again or ever want to not believe. Sure, you go through days when it seems more real than others, but with even the small assurance of seeing the difference of who I am and my motivations for daily life…I could never turn back.