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Today I had such a broken heart for the Lord. I was in a place of destitution; at an utter loss for how to handle my own day to day issues. But then there was this, read as the Psalm today at the beginning of church @ Praxis (Greek for practice):

Psalm 102:17

He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea.

When I woke up this morning, all that swept through my mind was "Which church do I go to? This one or that one? This one is this and that one is that, so which do I place myself in today? Which church do I go to?" It was a horrible feeling. I felt and still feel divided. This is something I do not want to be a normal part of life. However, I know I need not worry too much about it, for God knows exactly where I will be in the future and will place me there with a sure hand. All I need to do is keep my gaze on Him, follow Him...follow Jesus' lead...and trust in Him.

Psalm 9:10

Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

As I was sitting in church, realizing just what a humbled and broken place the Lord had prepared me to be in this morning, I had a flashback to the night I accepted Christ. February 7th, 2009. For months and months I had struggled with "I believe in God, I see He has changed me, but I don't get what comes next." Well...what came next was realizing I did have a belief in Jesus as the Son of God. I did believe He died on the cross for my sins. I trusted in Him enough by this time to dedicate the rest of my life to following His lead and although I had no idea what that looked like...I still trusted Him. I trusted Him. His amazing grace empowered me, purified me, and helped me trust.

This morning at Praxis, I wept and confessed again how lost I was and craved to trust in Him with such a pure heart as I had on that first night. And as I sat there, something lovely and beautiful beyond description popped into my mind: I envisioned Jesus just sitting next to me, quiet. I envisioned myself curling into His loving arms as a child weeping before her father. And this came to mind:

Matthew 28:20

"...surely I am with you always..."

I was completely depraved and then I was completely comforted. Now I am completely set free.