Take a Leap and Bow

I am constantly overwhelmed by all the love the people in my life are giving to me. It is…beautiful. Surreal in a way, yet more real and wholesome than anything else in the entire world. Not only am I receiving it day in and day out – God is helping me give it to people too! Freaking cool! You can tell when He is helping you love another person, because it shows up on their face. Their eyes get softer – because they are smiling – and that smile stays just a bit longer than it normally does.

I have learned over the past year that I am, in fact, the most emotional person I know and I think it is fantastic. God is providing me with a great humility in my heart (or rather, humbleness: it is a very good thing and not at all bad, as we have been taught to think about humility) and vulnerability like I have never witnessed before.

Without fail, each time a friend speaks truth to me through their love, the tears practically come shooting out of my eyeballs. It is seriously ridiculous! I actually prayed the other day that God would quit letting me cry like a baby at the drop of a pin. You know what He said? He said “NO.” He must quite love our vulnerability. It tends to bring us closer to Him.

Now, I have to admit two things. One being very Good and one being very bad. Let’s begin with the Good, shall we?

Ok, deep breath. On February 7th, 2009, which was a lovely and bitingly cold night, I told God that I was choosing Him…for good. That decision has no end and will forever change the path of my life. Thank the Lord!

What a beautiful moment to share with one of my best friends in the WHOLE world, Justine. We cried and laughed together, and then I cried some more and she laughed at me. That moment couldn’t have been better – even though I made her feel very awkward as I just stared at her and thought to myself, “Well crap, what do I do now?” Haha!

Ready for the bad news? Immediately after I said those words out loud to God I felt scared and confused. I was afraid that I had committed my life to a concept (Jesus) I didn’t fully understand. I walked around feeling bewildered for a couple days, not knowing what to do with myself.

But don’t worry – there’s good news again – and it is very good. I realized that the act of vocally dedicating my life to Him was not tying me down, but instead, it was lifting me up. I had just made the decision to live my life seeking, and inevitably learning (because what we seek whole-heartedly, we will find: Jeremiah 29:12-14) about what is Good, about God.

So what I’m saying is that when we sit in a place of doubt, we also choose to sit in a place of darkness. But when we choose to believe in God and His undeniable power (assuming that we have already sought and understood this to a certain degree), it follows that we choose to sit in a place of lightness – a place of love.

Bowing down to Jesus is not like bowing down to an earthly king. It is not enslaving, nor is it burdensome. It is like a deep breath. It is sweet as the sweetest honey and free as the freest bird. Corny, I know, but oh so good and true.

Not to say that it isn’t hard sometimes – it is. It is just not difficult in the sense that you might think. When you feel lost and broken…and it takes everything you have to seek God, to look up at Him and give your heart to Him…you do not come away empty inside.

Working hard for God (for love), when you feel crushed and alone, comes from a place that feels a little like drowning – except you do not struggle upward for oxygen, only to reach the surface and find you are stranded in the middle of the ocean. Oh no, it is much more than that. It is more like pushing through the water, despite your increasingly failing strength, and a powerful arm reaching down and pulling your weak body out in it’s entirety, onto a safe, warm boat. Just when you were about to give up and stop pushing, Jesus' great love pulled you out.

His strength and His will are greater than ours and for that, I am thankful.

Amen.